The last Open Thread on ‘The Average Old Person” really hit a chord for some people and for others, it hit a nerve. What terrific observations and conversations in the comments!
What’s Average, Anyway?
Readers like Terrie and Kim pointed out that ‘average’ is a very imprecise term, since we’re all individuals and what’s average to us may be exceptional to others. Sandy lays it all out:
We’ve lived with labels all of our lives. It’s time to find inner peace and comfort with where you are. It’s time to find joy and spend more time doing what you love, with those you love. Not all of us are up for competition or to have a grand title or status…. ”Average” is what you are comfortable with… If it makes you happy, do it and enjoy this stage of life. You’ve earned it!
Average is awesome!
And many folks embraced the ‘average’ label, however it’s measured – and are having the time of their lives! Like Catherine, who enjoys the ‘genuine pleasure of a nightgown all day” or Sue…
I feel I finally reached the truly joyful years of my life. I don’t worry about my body type anymore… I’ve made it through two very serious, life-threatening surgeries, yet I’m still breathing. Just to wake up every morning, have a relaxing breakfast with my husband, and say “yes” and “no” to the things that come my way are precious. Average is simply wonderful!
Several readers like Bruce (who sounds like a guy totally down with the program, so enjoy those cookies, dude!), Laurie H. , ‘cookie and TV guy” Mike, gardener Adeline, Kim, Jimmy and Mac, among others, shared their hobbies and routines and say “ Enjoy the Average!”
Most of us made sacrifices, worked to exhaustion raising families while working, put all others first. Now, after over fifty years of a high-stress career (and marriage) at 82 I consider these years my reward, a huge relief to have responsibility only to myself. I write a newspaper column, take zoom classes of Great Courses twice a week with great discussions among those of us in the class, garden in spite of a disability, and that’s enough. These are some of the best years of my life. – Meg
Great article! Not everyone wants to set the world on fire after busting butt in the working world for decades…-Nancy
Not all readers were happy with my take, though, like Reader Ce:
There’s no such thing as an average older person. Everyone is a complex individual with their unique journey that brought them to where they are now. Similarities exist along with our differences. I appreciate the need to create reader engagement, but I found the essay to be more annoying than engaging. Did you intend to include so many negative stereotypes? With so much more important things to discuss, I know you can do better.
Ouch.
On the Other Hand…
Thankfully most readers got the point, like Reader Cleta…
Well Virge, once again you’ve got us engaged and talking and I think that’s a good thing…
…and Vicky…
I totally get it, so glad there are people like me out there, thank you for the article Virge, couldn’t of said it myself.
..and Steven J. Berkowitz, one of our Sponsored Athletes.
Virge: I really appreciate this perspective—and the honesty behind it. I strive to age with attitude, but for me that doesn’t always mean chasing the extraordinary or turning every year into a reinvention project….
Final word
I was surprised and touched by the bewildering (but gratifying!) number of readers who said things like this…
Virge, Have you read your brief bio that accompanies your Senior Planet column? Average my A..! (LOL) – MenaA
I’m touched and humbled by the comments from Jan, Kari, Susan and others who agreed (OMG, Kim, you made my year by saying ‘Virge is better than average”), but I promise you if you if you ever saw me finishing a bag of Doritos and slacking on the vacuuming in favor of binge watching Fallout, you’d know I’m average, too.
I’m just lucky enough to be able to do what I love and be a spokesperson for my peeps – older people with all our foibles, strengths, weaknesses, memories, occasional failures and moments of strength and courage. And when you look at it that way, there’s nothing average about any of us.
ORIGINAL COLUMN
I know we are all striving to live our best lives, but I must admit that I am getting inspiration fatigue.
All credit is due to the doers and creators, the folks who pick up Esperanto or start to compete in Ironman competitions at 60, learn to skydive at 70, who start businesses in their retirement and who become spokesmodels with huge Instagram followings.
It seems many general media articles about aging have a well-dressed, well-groomed, in-shape person who recently sold their company and now raises alpaca and sells the wool, or who crafts model ships in their garage workshop from reclaimed wood. All these folks look great at 70…and they probably looked great at 20, 30, 40, 50, and 60.
OTOH, I understand that the general media picks these folks in the same way location scouts for TV shows and movies select fabulous apartments or homes for their stories, regardless of income (unless being poor is a particular plot or character point).
Thing is, these older folks are real. And they drive me crazy sometimes.
HOW?
Don’t you wonder how they find the time…and the energy…and the money! for learning and doing these fantastic hobbies and stunts, the fitness and grooming routines? I do!
I’m an average old person. I’m 20 pounds overweight and the last of my muscle tone hit the road during Covid. Since then I’ve been losing and gaining the same four pounds every year. I fall off the wagon and eat a brownie – sue me. I miss a couple of days at the gym. Sometimes I don’t bother to work up a sweat. At the end of the day, sometimes I’m happy to sit down with the remote or the laptop and consume worthless, non-inspirational, non-informative junk TV, or videos of cats and dogs.
Most of the time I’m okay with that, but sometimes…with the fifth video about the 60 year old woman who started a skincare line or the 84 year old who completed an Ironman, I just want to say….
..let’s hear it for the average old people. We’re the meaty part of the bell curve. We’re the folks who binge watch trash TV, nap, sneak cookies, and hit the snooze button. We don’t read ‘improving’ books. We don’t start the day with a brisk walk.
And I’m perfectly OK with that. How about you?
YOUR TURN
What’s your Average Old Person story or claim to fame? Let us know in the comments!
Virge Randall is Senior Planet’s Managing Editor. She is also a freelance culture reporter who seeks out hidden gems and unsung (or undersung) treasures for Straus Newspapers; she writes frequently on Old School New York City and performs at open mic readings throughout New York City. Send Open Thread suggestions to editor@seniorplanet.org.
COMMENTS
51 responses to “Open Thread Update: The Average Old Person”
I’ve always been wellness oriented. My diet is healthy (not strict, but much better than the average American) and I exercise regularly. Even with all that self care, I find myself at age 75 with pain in most joints plus at least 20 pounds overweight. I still try to do some form of exercise every day (thank you Senior Planet for your offerings), eat and sleep well, plus practice playing my ukulele. My morning meditation sessions help keep me grounded.
Do You as I Do Me
I belong to the KMA club…Kiss My Axx and I do what I want, whenever I want, when I want and what I can. I live with a life threatening dis-ease and grateful and thanking to still be here. I had a full life, working for many, many years and loved it. I’m financially stable and mobile with limitations but, I’m still here….I do me
IK
Most of us made sacrifices, worked to exhaustion raising families while working, put all others first. Now, after over fifty years of a high-stress career (and marriage) at 82 I consider these years my reward, a huge relief to have responsibility only to myself. I write a newspaper column, take zoom classes of Great Courses twice a week with great discussions among those of us in the class, garden in spite of a disability, and that’s enough. These are some of the best years of my life.
I’m 78, worked hard and loved it. But there is a time in life to just say “I’m done” . It’s allowing the genuine pleasure of a nightgown all day or getting lost in a book. I’m married, but we live pretty independently,which is glorious. I nap when my dog looks tired. I have 2 ostomies so they are worked into my routine and I’m not the least concerned about who knows what.
My focus is on prayer and using my time to be with God. It’s just part of doing the day.
I feel I finally reached the truly joyful years of my life. I don’t worry about my body type anymore – I’m not skinny, but I’m not fat, and I maintain my weight. I exercise regularly. I eat healthy because I have to – celiac. I’ve made it through two very serious, life-threatening surgeries, yet I’m still breathing. Just to wake up every morning, have a relaxing breakfast with my husband, and say “yes” and “no” to the things that come my way are precious. Average is simply wonderful!
Your words are truly inspiring. It’s wonderful to see how you’ve embraced this stage of life with such joy and balance. Surviving those surgeries and continuing to live with gratitude is a powerful reminder of how precious each day really is. I admire the way you celebrate the simple things — breakfast with your husband, choosing what to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to, and finding peace in being ‘average.’ Thank you for sharing this perspective; it’s a gift to read.
Well Virge, once again you’ve got us engaged and talking and I think that’s a good thing. Personally, I’m with the lady that started the I Do Not Care Club!
Great question. I enjoy travel, kayaking, and time with my husband and grandchildren. I’ve lived with Type 1 diabetes since age 2 and am now 72; managing it takes time and daily attention. Some days are active, some are quieter — in it for the long haul. Happy to be able to enjoy life.
Thank you for opening up about your journey. It’s inspiring to see how you balance active days with quieter ones, and how you’ve managed Type 1 diabetes with such strength and dedication for so many years. The way you embrace travel, kayaking, and time with your family shows such joy in living fully. Your outlook is a wonderful reminder that resilience and gratitude make life truly meaningful.
I totally get it, so glad there are people like me out there, thank you for the article Virge, couldn’t of said it myself.
Virge: I really appreciate this perspective—and the honesty behind it.
I strive to age with attitude, but for me that doesn’t always mean chasing the extraordinary or turning every year into a reinvention project. Some seasons are about pushing myself; others are about showing up imperfectly and staying engaged in ways that are sustainable and real.
I’m inspired by the outliers, but I’m also grounded by the reminder that aging with attitude can look like consistency, curiosity, and humor.
Thank you for this very wise response!
I hereby enter my plea of nolo contendere (no contest) to the following infractions: binge watch trash TV, nap, sneak cookies, and hit the snooze button. Don’t read ‘improving’ books. Don’t start the day with a brisk walk.
Please your Honor, go easy on the sentencing. I would graciously accept a sentence of House Arrest (so I may continue t pursue the above stated lifestyle)
I wasn’t going to get fat, use a walker, not sit in my oh-so-comfy recliner or stop skiing or roller skating, I had lots of ideas of things to do when I retired (in 2002) But here I am doing all those things, eating cereal for meals, changing my clothes every week from one set of pj’s to another. I am not depressed. I am just not interested. My friends and family have passed. No one with whom I can relate. No one to hug me. I have 2 living friends. one has Alzheimer’s and one spectrum.
Sending you a hug, Diana.
Hi Diana, I would live in my pajamas if I could. I actually enjoyed being “cooped” up with my family during Covid. I didn’t have to come up with excuses to stay at home, which is my preference. If you’re doing what you want to be doing, don’t worry about those woulda, coulda, shoulda voices. And it’s not easy, but it truly is never too late to let someone new into your life if you feel lonely. It’s also OK to ask for a hug if you need one. I’ll be pulling for you and praying for you!
You break my heart with the absence of loving relationships with friends or the caring of others in your life. You definitely sound lonely and sad but deserve so much more than merely existing in boredom without even a beloved pet as a buddy. May I suggest volunteering at a nursing home or animal shelter. I think you could find a bit of healing inspiration that you have been missing.
Diana – I can identify with your situation except add chronic pain and adjusting to continuing spinal compression fractures and losing 9 inches in height so far.
Amazing how we hang on, despite our losses and limitations. Escape literature, flavorful food, curiosity about California’s future, gradually lowered expectations and watching squirrels leap from branch to branch in the Chinese elm outside my window from my recliner until hunger nudges me into the kitchen.
Enjoy what you can!
After my beloved husband of 45 years died suddenly, I thought my life was over. But I realized it was all on me, that I needed to create my own community. First I had two couples, close friends, over for dinner. Then I went on to start smiling at strangers I met on a hike, at the parking lot or grocery store and initiating conversations. I began to look forward and around me rather than at the ground. I opened my mind, because while I have life, it’s up to me to fill it or let it dribble away.
Just like we lived our own lives to senior status, made our own decisions and traveled our own unique path, why does that end at a certain age? You are who you are, your entire life. Happiness for some or one is not for all. I’m a cookie and TV guy at heart, always have been, and I’m ok with that.
I’m an average old person. I retired from an exceptional rewarding job and works two days a week presently. Average old me takes a nap as soon as I get home. I garden and sew as my full time hobbies. I love birds and photography. I would like to enjoy the rest of my life doing mostly nothing but spontaneous activities like getting a lot of sleep.
I look at it that what we think of as average is normal for us but others consider us above average. I am thoroughly enjoying my retirement. I take a lot of classes at my local libraries, travel, plan trips, try new arts and crafts and more. People have told me I do so much and I just think I’m doing normal, average things that I enjoy. While I find it inspiring for others to do great things, I have no desire for any of it.
HOW OLD ARE YOU DEAR KIM?? I’M NOW 92 AND I LIVE INT THE TOP TIER OF STATES IN THE U.S. WEATHER KEEPS ME FROM MANY EVENTS DURING THE WINTER, SO I KEEP BUSY COMPUTERING, WRITING, KEEPING MY HOME NICE, SENDING CARDS WITH MY STORIES INCLUDED. I FEEL BAD THAT I HAVE HAD TO BACK OFF SOME ACTIVITIES IN THE WINTER, BUT HOPEFUL I’LL ATTEND BEGINNING IN APRIL. GOOD LUCK AND CONTINUE YOUR NICE LIFE STYLE.
I am almost 68. Retired at 62 and have been very content. There is no snow or ice where I live, we are just getting over a long cold spell, it frosted one day! The furnace had to be on! I’m from up North so I have survived almost 50 years of below zero winters. No more! So glad that you are happy with the way you are living your life now. It is a wonderful thing to feel so content.
While I go out of my way to learn complex things because I seem to need that, I thought I was interesting until I got a text from my 50 something daughter. On flight to Paris then Milan to be Olympic volunteer. Her itinerary includes time off for LaScala, skiing in mountains, the ballet. She applied in 2024 for the heck of it. She donned her uniform today & practiced for the opening ceremony. At 80, I’m green with envy at the thrills she’ll have & her reach for life. I miss that thrill of spirit
Barb, Where are you? There’s hope if you live within driving distance of Bellevue WA. My physical therapist recently set up a program for seniors to help them regain or maintain functionality, mobility and balance. He wants to enable us to do things on our bucket list, to enjoy activities we didn’t have time for before. Participants so far are 60s – 80s (older is OK too). Classes are weekly, limited to 10. Exercises are PT-supervised and customized to each senior’s ability.
There’s no such thing as an average older person
Everyone is a complex individual with their unique journey that brought them to where they are now. Similarities exist along with our differences.
I appreciate the need to create reader engagement but I found the essay to be more annoying than engaging. Did you intend to include so many negative stereotypes?
With so much more important things to discuss, I know you can do better.
I hear you! Who wants to know if they are average… or not! And who’s to say what IS average or not. No two people are exactly the same. I should know as I have 2 sets of twins in my family. Let’s stop categorizing folks Especially those of us in our 50’s, 60’s, 70’s & all ages above. There’s way, Way too much of that in our society. I’m for being myself, having busy days… or not! Holing up in the home or hitting the hiking trails. There’s something to be said for being yourself at all times!
Well said. Thank you.
Most elders slow down and focus on particular interests and relationships as we move from our 60s to our 80s (I’m 82). Many of us become caregivers of our partners, sometimes for years. Some of us travel either in the USA or internationally. Lots of us read actual books. We work out in ways that feel good, be it yoga, Pilates, tai chi, swimming or weights. We do that for OURSELVES and our own well being, not to set new records. We learn and come to understand ourselves better. True wisdom!
I’m 70 and still working to stay in shape(I clean houses) ,volunteer at my church ( to beat boredom) and cook dinner every night for my brother and sister that are my roommates. I like cooking and it helps give me purpose. I always say “ If you stop moving you will stop moving!”
What factors are considered when describing the average old person — physical ability, intelligence level, education achieved, financial condition, marital status? An “old”er person should not feel compelled to live life based on another person’s lifestyle or accomplishments. There is always someone living a better life and someone living a worse life.
Thank you for your words of earned wisdom. You rock.
Great article! Not everyone wants to set the world on fire after busting butt in the working world for decades. It nourishes the soul and spirit to relax some days, having the freedom to relax at our age. I have never felt sloth like from sitting on my old wraparound porch on a summer evening watching a beautiful sunset over the river I live next to. Or taking a leisurely nature walk. Love yourself and enjoy the quiet times. N
To paraphrase Forrest Gump’s mother, average is as average does.
Since the word ‘senior’ encompasses ages from 60 on up, there’s a potentially 40+/- year span of abilities, motivations and health related realities to try and average out.
One way to parse it might be to come to an understanding of what is average for each of us personally. The highest functioning version of ourself which we actually do achieve, versus the most slothlike behavior which we have exhibited.
The midpoint is our own
I like your parse for average. There are days I can fight wild cats and win. Then there are days I don’t want to even put a leg out of bed (I do but don’t want to). Those are my starting of the bell curve and the ending, anything in the middle is great by me. I am 76 and doing it my own way.
BINGO! Well, I can relate & besides I think I’ve kinda “earned” the “right” to slouch off! But, yes, when I read of these High Achievers well into their Senior Years, it does give me a Sharp Ping in the “Guilt Dept.,” & that’s on overload, anyway, at times!
I’ts Not that I don’t have umteen things that I need, or could do, it’s just that A lot of us (older one’s) have limitations which we must deal with like health issues, like the motivation factor, and it feels Overwhelming, at times!
I agree the wide age span is broad! My career was mostly in the non-profit world, raising money, promoting our causes, and I was very busy in my 50s-60s. By my 70s, I worked part-time for for one year for the non-profit to ease into retirement at 71, after 50 years of working. My 70s were spent helping my community, finding new interests, selling my house, and moving at 75 to a senior living residence near both my children. Now in my early 80s, age is showing in my bones, skin, and brain!
Virge, Have you read your brief bio that accompanies your Senior Planet column? Average my A..! (LOL)
aw shucks!! Thanks!
You go, girl!!
We’ve lived with labels all of our lives. It’s time to find inner peace and comfort with where you are. It’s time to find joy and spend more time doing what you love, with those you love. Not all of us are up for competition or to have a grand title or status. We’ve been there done that. ”Average” is what you are comfortable with not to be gaged by others achievements. If it makes you happy, do it and enjoy this stage of life. You’ve earned it!
Exactly what I was thinking – she’s not the average person she describes in the essay!
Verge, I am with you all the way! I simply switch Channels quickly and say…”Good for them”!
Right on!!!
I NOTICED THAT, TOO.
Exactly what I was thinking – she’s not the average person she describes in the essay!
That’s exactly what I was thinking!!
You are right! Virge is better than average.
OMG, you guys! You’re turning my head!!! thanks Kim, Jan and Kari!
Hahahahahahaha! Well said!
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